Read our List of Funny Jokes and our Funny Pick Up Lines. Because they don’t have to go to fucking work.”, 8. When you're wrong, no one forgets. “I don’t understand why people have to ‘get ready’ for bed… I’m always ready for bed!”, 33. 14. 13. I'm jealous of my parents, I'll never have a kid as cool as them. 2. 56 Short Inspirational Quotes And Short Inspirational Sayings, 144 Happy Birthday Wishes And Happy Birthday Funny Sayings, 38 Cute Life Quotes That Will Instantly Make You Smile, 56 Good Morning Inspirational Quotes With Beautiful Images, 60 Really Cute Good Morning Quotes for Her & Morning Love Messages, 44 Motivational Inspirational Quotes About Life & Success, Copyright © 2018 - 2020 Image May Be Subject to Copyright to Respectful Owners. “Welcome to the dark side, where all the fun stuff happens.”, 37. “Name”. You’re glitter glue.”, 4. He is the sum of the first three: He sees nobody, hears nobody and speaks to nobody.”, 71. “Every time we try to eat healthily, along comes Christmas, Easter, summer, Friday or Tuesday and ruins it for us.”, 53. I'm not clumsy, The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies and the walls get in my way. 1. “It was an emotional wedding. When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic. Experience is a wonderful thing. 7. If you do a job too well, you’ll get stuck with it. Even the cake was in tiers.”, 62. If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either. You're born free, then you're taxed to death. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of bank payments. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back. Quantity is what you count, quality is what you count on. Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep. “If girls always treated each other like we do when we’re drunk in the girl’s bathroom then the world would be a much happier place.”. “You know you’re old anytime you’re entering your DOB with a smartphone you get to the year and you have to spin that bitch like you’re on wheel of fortune.”, Looking for the most funny quotes today. Don’t Drink and Drive, You might hit a bump and spill something, Everything is funnier when you’re not allowed to laugh, Facebook: We know more about you than the FBI, Without school it’s really hard to know what day it is, After Tuesday even the calendar say W T F, People say you can’t live without love, I think oxygen is more important, Protect your hands, you need them to pick up your pay check, Learn from others mistakes; don’t have others learn from you. “Somewhere, somebody out there is thinking of you and the tremendous impact you’ve made on their life. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born? 10. looking for the best short funny pictures quotes and images Sayings about life, friends, love & family with Images. Witty one-liners are the best ice breakers, and they never seem to fail. You're born free, then you're taxed to death. “If we’re ever in a situation where I am the “Voice of reason” then we are in a very very bad situation.”, 46. Vote for “Name”. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?”, 17. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. Inspirational funny quotes from movies for Facebook & Tumblr. “To me ‘drink responsibly’ means don’t spill it.”. You never truly understand something until you can explain it to your grandmother. “If you ran like your mouth, You’d be in good shape.”, 3. 3. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. “I’m a pretty nice person, but I also realize that if there were and asshole championship, I would place respectfully in my weight division.”, 26. “Back off. Save the planet, we have nowhere else to go! I’m not afraid to die. Some of the most popular of these taglines have seen mocked up versions preformed on their catch phrases such as, “Got Milk?”. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back. Jun 10, 2013 by Brandon Gaille. Until they’re flashing behind you.”, 42. “If you’re sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, “Did you bring the money?”, 58. “Tough situations build strong people.”, 41. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. “I almost gave a fuck scared the shit out myself..”, 63. “I love pandas, they’re so chill. It isn’t me… I think you’re a fucking idiot.”, 51. Life is too short to remove USB safely. “My great grandma started giggling at a barbecue and when I asked what’s funny, she said “everyone here is alive because I got laid””, 40. Well, our list starts with the most iconic t shirt slogan— I’m with stupid. Happiness is your last exam paper. We’ve All Done Something Stupid. “Super cali swagilistic sexy hella dopeness”, 31. Witty one-liners are the best ice breakers, and they never seem to fail. 12th of 60 Funny Motivational Quotes “Work until your bank account looks like a phone number.” – Unknown . The road to success is always under construction. I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. I see food, and I eat it. Don’t drink while driving – you might spill the beer. If not, it’s not worth it.”, 24. The rest are too expensive, Homework because 7 hours of school wasn’t enough, Don’t tell me the skies are the limits when there are footprints on the moon, Pretending to concentrate in class so the teacher won’t ask you a question. If you were my wife, I’d drink it.” – Winston Churchill funny quote, 28. “I am sorry, I didn’t realize that you’re an expert on my life and how I should live it! Me: Me: is that the sun”, 47. Enjoy Life Quotes. “When you clean the kitchen and ten minutes later the sink is full of dishes”, 32. 9. “I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. “My teacher pointed me with his ruler and said: “At the end of this ruler there’s an idiot!” I got detention after asking which end.”, 49. You can't have everything, where would you put it? 12. “Sometimes, I use big words I don’t always fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.”, 54. “The most dangerous animal in the world… Is a smiling woman sitting in silence”, 60. “I don’t understand you. Because no great story started with someone eating a salad. 8. Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control, The best things in life are free. If you don’t like me, remember its mind over matter. “The human body is 90% water so we’re basically just cucumbers with anxiety.”, 59. Life is short, smile while you still have teeth. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake I feel better already.”, 48. “Life is full of disappointments and I just added you to the list.”, 12. “Who the fuck took my… Oh, here it is…”, 50. Share them with your friends. He’s Not Popular and He’s Not Handsome. “What starts with ‘P’ and ends with ‘ORN’? Send me the link, I am not lazy, I am just on my Energy saving mode, Life is short, smile while you still have teeth, 3 out of 2 people have trouble with fractions, Dear math, I’m not a therapist, solve your own problems, My life is very complicated drinking game, Its much easier to apologize then it is to get permission, Rule of math, if it seems easy, you’re doing it wrong, Stop destroying our planet, It’s where I keep all my stuff, On the other hand, you have different fingers, Don’t like me? “The best memories come from bad ideas done with best friends.”, 56. “To me ‘drink responsibly’ means don’t spill it.”, 9. If you’re not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator? I’d like to help you out today. Life is a bitch so learn how to fuck it. Cool, I don’t wake up every day to impress you, All my life, I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. If people are talking behind your back, then just fart. ‘Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please do Pay In Advance.’. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. “Treat me like a joke and I’ll leave you like it’s funny.”, 45. Sometimes we have to see the funny side of life in order to keep going. “If girls always treated each other like we do when we’re drunk in the girl’s bathroom then the world would be a much happier place.”, 11. 50 of the most hilarious sayings, each of these short phrases provide a combination of wisdom and humor to make you laugh. “My heart says chocolate and wine but my jeans say, for the love of god women, eat a salad.”, 19. “If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.